Core takeaway
Each scenario names the influence objective, so you can plan backward from a defined outcome.
Influencing Under Conflict Conditions
You are leading a team involved in an important project. Two of the most important team members have had a difficult relationship with one another for some time. You have decided to set up a meeting for the purpose of establishing a better working relationship between them. You plan to facilitate the meeting. One of them has agreed to attend, but the other has taken a very hard stand and refuses to meet with his/her colleague. You believe that a better working relationship is possible, but only if both contribute to the resolution or management of the conflict. Influence the reluctant team member to agree to attend an initial meeting.
You have always had a good working relationship with a peer in another unit - a part of the organization that you need to collaborate with on a regular basis. However, for the past several weeks, your colleague has seemed very cold and unresponsive. He/she doesn't reply to your emails or messages or return your calls. You are mystified by this behavior and it's getting in the way of accomplishing important tasks. You have just spotted this person sitting alone in the cafeteria and would like to take the opportunity to find out what is going on. Influence your peer to tell you about any issues or concerns that are associated with this change in your relationship.
One of your internal customers has sent you a very angry message regarding the services your team has been providing. He or she is threatening to go to senior management with the complaints. You'd like to resolve this without having the issue escalated. Influence your customer to agree to meet with you and try to find a solution before involving anyone else.
You are meeting with your manager. You're aware that he/she isn't happy about some decisions that you've made recently and is suggesting in subtle ways that you are not a "team player." You've decided to bring the issue out into the open. Influence your manager to work with you to come to an open agreement about the direction your team should take.
Key takeaways
- •Each scenario names the influence objective, so you can plan backward from a defined outcome.
- •When the other person has a reason to resist, receptive tactics have to come before anything expressive.
- •Working through these aloud with a colleague is worth more than reading them.
- •The fastest route through a conflict is almost never the most direct one.
B. Kim Barnes
Author, Coach, and Leadership Consultant
Founder of The Influence Guru, Kim Barnes is a coach, facilitator, and author with more than forty years of experience in leadership, influence, and organization development. She was a founder and, for many years, CEO of Barnes & Conti Associates, and developed or co-developed programs including Exercising Influence, Inspirational Leadership, Intelligent Risk-Taking, Consulting on the Inside, and Managing Innovation. She is the author of six books, including Exercising Influence (Wiley) and Building Better Ideas (Berrett-Koehler).